Cost Jeopardy

Having #alexithymia and #audhd means a constant scramble to identify and understand and react appropriately…while controlling your face and postures even though a tiny worker has left the helm and is violently sorting through the shit storm paper piles of data and collections littered with vocabulary attempting to find the RIGHT word that fits the EXACT need that i am ALLEGEDLY experiencing.

It is buffering,

it is loading,

it is processors processing,

it is embarrassing, it is exhausting,

and it is compulsively uncontrollable.

There is no net. It's just jump sometimes with sentences.

It is a fucking crapshoot of emotions, tangled up into hairballs, that delay processing even more. I mean, shit, once the word is FOUND--then what the heck do i do with it??

I hafta weigh the costs of words and actions because it's expensive and I am poor.